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Jun. 4th, 2005 @ 02:20 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Tomorrow is my trip to Connell to see my husband. And I don't want to go.

It's not that I don't want to see him because I do...he's my soul mate.

I hate you, DOC.

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something to hold close
Jun. 1st, 2005 @ 08:23 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: lonelylonely
x-posted in my primary journal - sorry if you have to see it twice. :)

I feel a little better now - in fact, I think that the headaches had to do with Mike being moved, although I didn't know that they had moved him until today. In fact, the whole process of moving him in the first place is pretty sneaky. No one told him that they were going to move him - in fact, from what he told me on the phone he didn't know that he was going to Coyote Ridge until they had him in the van.Collapse )
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something to hold close
May. 23rd, 2005 @ 06:30 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
I can't believe I haven't posted here in almost a month. For shame.

Some days, I get so lonely I can hardly stand it. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to get dressed - I don't want to do anything. It's like I'm deep in a pit of despair and misery and am tired of sleeping alone.

My brother got an internship at AHCC where Mike is, which is great for him as he needs it to graduate. The only problem is that Mike might have to be moved to another facility (in Connell, about a forty-five minute drive away) for supposedly only the ten weeks that Kevin would be doing his internship for. The thing that's been gnawing at him is that they probably wouldn't send him back at all after Kevin's done with his internship, because we're dealing with the state here, and they don't care about anyone.

My parents told me that they'd drive me (and Colleen, my MIL) to the prison in Connell when we want to go, but I visit every weekend, and I know they aren't going to be willing to sacrifice every Sunday to take the two of us to visit Mike. They can say whatever they feel like, but I know my parents - and I know how they operate. I've never been their top priority.

My mother is involved with a mothers-in-law group, Christian-based, that gets together and prays for their married children. This is lovely, right? Sure. About the same time that Mike was sentenced, one of the daughters-in-law had a hysterectomy. You know they did for her? They all got together and gave her a freaking spa day. Apparently since my pain was internal and not external, save the masochistic scratches I'd put on my left arm during the trial, it didn't matter as much.

I'm just...me. I blend into the scenery. I had three people on Sunday nearly collide with me because I was so quiet, they just didn't know that I was there.

This is my only outlet where I'm not invisible.
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complete you
May. 5th, 2005 @ 02:53 pm for mimid316
Current Mood: okayokay
answers to visiting info questions that you hadCollapse )
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something to hold close
May. 1st, 2005 @ 12:08 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: blahblah
I hope I feel better after my visit, because I feel like crud right now. I'm tired and have the beginning of a headache starting between my eyes. I'm a little worried that it might turn into a migraine, so I might spend the rest of the day after my visit in bed with the lights off.

Knowing that I get to see Mike today makes me feel good, so there's something for me to look forward to, if nothing else.
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something to hold close
Apr. 29th, 2005 @ 11:43 am (no subject)
Current Mood: recumbentreminescent
You're my bread, when I'm hungry
You're my shelter from troubled winds
You're my anchor in life's ocean
But most of all, you're my best friend

When I was growing up, I never thought I'd get married.Collapse )
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something to hold close
Apr. 23rd, 2005 @ 02:41 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
They're having a birthday party for Ashley tomorrow.

I can't believe that she's nineteen and engaged. I have to wonder where the time goes.

I remember when the two of us had just started dating, she was ten. And she, Michelle and Kathleen were making a snowman in your mom's back yard yelling about how "Uncle Mike has a girlfriend."

Who knows where the time goes.

I love you.

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something to hold close
Apr. 21st, 2005 @ 07:05 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: worriedworried
I've never been tempted to stray. Ever.

Even when Clay told me that if 'worse came to worse', he'd be my sexual surrogate, I didn't even entertain that thought.

But I've thought about it lately.

I've had options, including several from someone in particular. But I wouldn't feel right about it. Not just because the 'someone' is married, but because I'm friends with both him and his wife.

I just have to figure out how to get through this until I have my visit.

And then I think about the downside...what if I got pregnant? How would I explain that to Mike?

I can just see it. "Oh, I'm really sorry, but I got lonely while you were locked up and slept with...and got pregnant. But you'll still love the kid like it was yours, right?"

No, thank you. I couldn't deal with that.

And I could never lie to him. And I couldn't keep anything like that secret.

Not from someone I love this much.
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complete you
Apr. 21st, 2005 @ 10:57 am (no subject)
Current Mood: sadsad
I'm afraid that this is going to be one of the days where loneliness overwhelms me.

I'm home alone with nowhere to go and nothing to do.

I'm depressed, sad and lonely.

I wish that Mike was here.
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something to hold close
Apr. 20th, 2005 @ 01:56 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
I found a mixed tape on Monday.

It wasn't the best mixed tape ever - it was one that I made before Mike and I got married and I had approximately six CD's to choose from. There was a lot of Amy Grant, a lot of Garth Brooks, a few songs from the Jerry Maguire soundtrack like "Secret Garden" and "Momma Miss America", and "The Only Joy In Town" by Joni Mitchell.

And the song that really spoke to me was All About Soul by Billy Joel, which has been one of my favorites for years. And as I really listened to the lyrics, I thought about how much it really applies to my life.

There was one line that was so applicable to my relationship with Mike that I had to stop because I was overwhelmed a little bit.

And she gives me all the love I need to keep my faith alive...

That line itself pretty much encompasses our relationship. It's built on love, a strong faith in God, and a belief in each other.

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something to hold close